Post by: CDI on January 31, 2006, 01:36:00 pm
[19:26] <[froody]> I've had many a "crush" on people, well one of them was more than a crush, it was to the point that I cared more for them than for me, being I'd put myself in acual pain just to make sure they were happy. well I told her, and it kinda didn't do anything... then I herd from a froend of mine/hers that she wasn't going to respond, so I asked this friend for help on how to forget her, the thing is that I stopped thinking halfway through the letter and just wrote, apperantally I let too much of the real me into the open and now she is saying that she has decided to cut me from her life
[19:26] <[froody]> then ontop of that the other friend has almost but ceased communication with me, so I've lost the 2 people I care most about in my life...
[19:26] <[froody]> ONTOP of that I was already depressed... now I'm about as low as I can get... I feel constant pain
[19:27] <[froody]> I just want the pain to go away... I want to be happy again... I don't like being like this... this isn't me (or I guess it IS)... but I can't stand myself...
[19:28] <[froody]> I know that, the problem is that normally I can convince myself that, hell it dosen't matter what I feel, just make other people happy... well over years of ignoring myself, this shock briught me into my own and made me realize how low I am... if it can get lower, trust me, I'd LOVE to see it...
Post by: DJ Omnimaga on January 31, 2006, 02:15:00 pm
Please reconsider doing anything bad, If I learned that you hurted yourself or killed yourself or dissapeared somewhere I would feel really really really sad, even if we never meet in real life. :(
Post by: kalan_vod on January 31, 2006, 02:30:00 pm
. I and kevin and your mom for sure will be hurt by what you do, but I am sure there are other people in your life who will be upset about anything bad you do to yourself! I think you need to let things settle for a little bit (not talk to her if you need to) and if you can just talk to the ones you feel comfortable talking to about this.
Post by: spengo on January 31, 2006, 03:40:00 pm
)Anywho, all I can really say is there are other fish in the sea. It probably doesn't seem so right now, but eventually you should be able to get over it. It's not like you yourself are low/a bad person as the irc quote above seems to suggest. I don't know why your other friend is avoiding you, but it might be just because they don't want to make you angry or sad by bringing up the girl or whatever and don't really know how to talk to you about it. Act normally (meaning not depressive) and start hanging out with your friends like normal again. Maybe have a LAN party, become intoxicated with bawls and mountain dew, ddr till you can't stand, and play some fps all night long until your brain is completely dead to take your mind off things. (god, I love LAN parties ;)
) Also, a suggestion for the future- it might not be so great to start off with saying you have a crush on the person. Even tho I'd prefer that the world worked that way, most people aren't prepared for such forwardness. (actually, how you had the guts to do that is beyond me :o You definitely get credit for that) How bout first going out with them for a bit and getting to know them better? rofl, me giving advice on love stuff. XD
On second thought, considering I majorly suck in all social matters don't take any of my advice. Just quit being depressed and be happy if only for the reason that happiness is much cooler. Also, there's the timendus quote: "If life's being a b*tch, just kick it in the nuts, and laugh in it's face!" ~Timendus^^ueber^^ :bow:
:bow::bow:
Post by: Ranman on January 31, 2006, 05:22:00 pm
Hang in there Fred! This is simply not fair. I went through a similar situation when I was in high school. I think this is a fairly common part of getting older. It is normal to spend some time grieving. This grieving will build you up and strengthen your character. You will become a better person because of this -- isn't that ironic?
You have a lot of friends that care about you -- focus on them. It sounds like this girl is missing out on a fine young man -- you! :thumb:
Post by: tr1p1ea on February 01, 2006, 03:00:00 am
The only thing that does help is time, and talking about it with friends. Most of us are always available for a chat, or even just to be an ear and listen. Im always on IRC if you feel the need.
Post by: Spellshaper on February 01, 2006, 03:09:00 am
I too don
Post by: kalan_vod on February 01, 2006, 05:12:00 am
P.S. If you don't find any of this helpful then look at my speling misteaks.....Yeah I spelled those two words wrong on purpose but oh well I don't have to try too hard to mispell :D
.
Post by: DJ Omnimaga on February 01, 2006, 05:18:00 am
| QUOTE (kalan_vod @ 1 February 2006, 11:12) |
| P.S. If you don't find any of this helpful then look at my speling misteaks.....Yeah I spelled those two words wrong on purpose but oh well I don't have to try too hard to mispell :D. |
you spelled fred wrong too
Edit by kalan: Nah I did that one on purpose too! ^.^..... sorry fred!
*kalan_vod slaps himself for calling you frank all this time*
Post by: CDI on February 01, 2006, 12:41:00 pm
This isn't a short 'bout of depresson, the past 5 years I have put people before me and getting more and more depressed as each day goes on and finally I snapped...
Last night I decided to tell people how bad I am, most didn't know, but do now that yes, I have tried suicide before, and the only thing holding me back was her...
Again last night around 2:00AM I tried again... but felt that at LEAST I needed a day for final goodbyes, and lasting impressons, and all I need now is some sense... I hate to say but I'm more than half-sure I'll acually go through with it, and not have any doubts...
Around 2:30 when this all hit me I did something very important that got me up in the morning, took me to school, and has gottem me here... I wrote "Don't think ANYTHING" in very large letters on a sign to post in my room, now following that sign is easier said than done, I haven't yet acheved thoughtlessness but I will get there...
If I haven't made it clear, I don't WANT to feel this way, but it seems like at times the thought of another day alive isn't enough to keep me going any longer, and if there were no more days then maybe, just maybe, it'll all be okay in the end...
Post by: tifreak on February 01, 2006, 01:21:00 pm
What helps? I read books. I throw myself into them, making myself the main character, and completely focus on it. If you like medeval books, please look into Terry Goodkind. Believe it or not, he actually kept me from doing the deed.
And do not think people do not care about you. You are one of the few friends that I have on the net. You have a lot of people I am sure care there, like your family.
If nothing else, take up other interests, that will make you focus completely on the hobby. That is what I found that works.
I really hope you do nothing drastic, my friend.
Post by: arcane wizard on February 01, 2006, 01:39:00 pm
Do you have anybody you can go to to talk? Maybe family or another friend? Maybe a local preacher, if you're religious? Someone who'll just listen and be there for you? Maybe you can talk on a hotline for problems like this? There are some very nice people out there willing to help you. If you can't or just want to post here, that's fine too.
I'd like to offer this link with some video/audio's that always get me out of depressions, maybe you can find some comfort in them:
http://www.bswa.org/modules/mydownloads/viewcat.php?cid=15
If it doesn't help or you don't want to watch them, then that's ok too, we'll still be here if you want to talk.
Post by: CDI on February 01, 2006, 01:46:00 pm
as for people to talk to, I have IRC... but past that no... nobody here knows/understands... and we can't affors a theapist...
Post by: haveacalc_ on February 01, 2006, 01:54:00 pm
Post by: CDI on February 01, 2006, 01:56:00 pm
but I can only promise life until friday, after that I cannot promise anything)
Post by: haveacalc_ on February 01, 2006, 02:00:00 pm
Post by: dysfunction on February 01, 2006, 02:13:00 pm
CDI, somehow the thought of no afterlife seems conforting to you, but you have to realize that that is it. There's no changing your mind. If you discover your life still sucks several years down the road, then you may rethink the decision any time you want. But if you decide to kill yourself now, you will never know. Sure, it's a release from pain- but there is potential in everyone's life. You're a kid. You have college ahead of you, maybe even marriage (to the gender or lifeform of choice :)
) and kids ahead. To conclude that life sucks based on such a small portion of it is foolish. BELIEV ME, I understand how you feel, in fact the same thoughts crossed my mind when I was your age. Life gets better, I know this for a fact. It has ups and downs, but you can't conclude that the world has no mountains simply because you're stuck in a ditch.
Post by: spengo on February 01, 2006, 02:14:00 pm
Nonetheless, froody here is not a believer and trying to convert him now might not be what needs to be done. However, look at it this way- how can a dude who makes uebersome metroid games and puts other people before him a lot be a terrible person that doesn't deserve to live? So, you lost a couple friends. Pick up, move on, and pwn something. :instant_kill:
"Never give up, never surrender!" ~Commander Peter Quincy TaggartSorry couldn't resist. Loved that movie. :laugh:
Post by: CDI on February 01, 2006, 02:17:00 pm
Post by: spengo on February 01, 2006, 02:22:00 pm
Post by: BCTurk on February 01, 2006, 02:29:00 pm
Don't give up, although it might seem good now, you (would) regreat it if you could. As close as I can come to your situation is the weight room. Giving up is MOST DEFINATLY easier, and it does take the pain away, but it doesn't get you anywhere. This summer, for all intensive purposes, I gave up. I skrewed around, and didn't lift enough. I see now that I was wrong to do so. The reward for lifting is SOOOO much better then the one for giving up, which is nothing. Stick in there, you get out of the ditch.
Post by: spengo on February 01, 2006, 02:52:00 pm
You know, I should work out. Even though I'm not overweight or anything, I'm waayyyy out of shape
[/offtopic]
Besides, ditches aren't all that bad. Be glad you aren't in a river!
^^has some sort of symbolic meaning don't ask me what tho^^
Post by: Tyler on February 01, 2006, 03:10:00 pm
Anyways please dont do it :(
Post by: Chipmaster on February 01, 2006, 03:47:00 pm
Post by: Darth Android on February 01, 2006, 04:44:00 pm
| QUOTE |
| I agree with the both of you, but say, you're travling and you get stuck in a ditch for 5 years, would you give up? |
I've been in the ditch for about that long. I got out of it about a year ago, and let me say one thing. Sticking it out and climbing out of the ditch is well worth it.
--Humbly offering true friendship for those who need it,
Darth Android/Telroth
Post by: dysfunction on February 01, 2006, 04:49:00 pm
Post by: AlienCC on February 01, 2006, 04:53:00 pm
When I was younger one of my best friends did commit suicide, you will hurt more people by doing this then you would possibly imagine. I'm not going to pretend that I know all of the circumstances from your background, I'd be a fool to try. What I can tell you is there are other people who have it worse off then you but thats not what you want to hear right now. Another thing I'm not going to do right now is tell you about my bad experiences with stupid girls, yes some of them are down right cruel, but thats for another day. The problem here is you cannot make someone love you no matter how deeply attracted you are to them, and most girls will run if you're too forward about your feelings with them, they see it as a sign of desperation which is very unattractive.
Humans are interesting, for being the self-proclaimed most intelligent species on this planet, we are also the most savage, which reminds me of George Carlins latest cd, listen to it, maybe you'll laugh a little and lighten up. If you're into the satrical Maddox style humor, perhaps this page can help? http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=manly_suicide
The truth is most people don't have a clue what they want from life, and even more don't know who they are. These are things that some people figure out in their twenties, some more later on, but many never do.
If you think you're in a real rut, then you can't judge another until you've walked in his shoes, and once you have you'll have a new found respect for that person, realizing yours aren't half as bad as you thought.
If you want my honest opinion about suicide, then I'll tell you flat out it is the most selfish act anyone could ever do. You blatently leave your problems behind while inflicting severe emotional trauma on anyone who loved or cared for you family, friends, and even neighbors, the closer the person the greater the damage. Not only that but you also leave a mess for someone to clean up after yourself, is that how you really want the person who finds you dead to remember you for the rest of their life? Maybe I don't know you as well as some of the other guys here, but I believe you are a better person then those who have fallen down the path of suicide.
The purpose of life is to have joy, the purpose of pain is to learn a greater understanding and appreciation of joy. If all you ever tasted was sweet you would not appreciate it or understand it as if you had also tasted something bitter. So my advice to you, is to just eat the bitter now you'll get past it, and things will get better, they'll get sweet again. The best part is when they do, when it gets better, then things, they'll be better then you ever imagined they could be in the first place.
I've seen death, I've seen other people die, maybe I've been around a few more years, maybe not, but I tell you now that is the last place I want to be.
--Jon
Post by: haveacalc_ on February 01, 2006, 04:57:00 pm
Post by: Weregoose on February 01, 2006, 05:24:00 pm
I have a request for you. Could you open up your email inbox and read what's inside? Thanks.
We'll talk again shortly.
?Weregoose
Post by: kalan_vod on February 01, 2006, 05:37:00 pm
Post by: axcho on February 01, 2006, 10:02:00 pm
I think it was a very good idea of yours to wait until you get into a more normal state of mind before thinking again... Never make drastic decisions when your basic needs are not met, like sleep. Wait until you are thinking clearly.
How many hugs are you getting per day? Hugs are important; we humans need continual reassurance that we are accepted. I bet that your parents wouldn't mind hugging you if you ask them. I hug my parents several times a day. Touch is a basic human need. And it's completely separate from sexuality!
Another thing that could help is something I came across yesterday as I was searching for more information on holophonic sound. Binaural beats is a technique for bringing about certain brain states by sound. The process is described http://itotd.com/articles/336/, and it makes a lot of sense (not pseudo-science). There are some programs available for download that you can play with, like the shareware http://www.bwgen.com/download.htm or the freeware but minimal http://uazu.net/sbagen/. I would really recommend that you try it out. It can't hurt, and you might be able to relax or meditate better.
I hope you will be able to feel better, and keep talking with us. :)
Post by: Spellshaper on February 02, 2006, 12:29:00 am
Post by: DJ Omnimaga on February 02, 2006, 02:50:00 am
| QUOTE (dysfunction @ 1 February 2006, 22:49) |
| What's with the massive influx of new members, all in this one topic? Are you all CDI's friends or something? |
I think he posted a link to this thread on UTI forums. Fred I hope you dont do anything bad, I wish the best for you I would be devastated to hear that somethign happened to you and I would be more worried now if you dissapeared from the scene as I wouldnt know if you are going well or not.
Post by: Master Jc on February 02, 2006, 09:22:00 am
I continually try to help my friends through these types of things... trust me, even over here, across the internet, even though this could quite possibly be the nerdiest thing I've ever said... we'd all miss you if you suddenly disappeared. I know girls are a big thing in life... especially for people like you and me. But what you do have to realize is that even if this girl doesn't like you and doesn't care, there are people that already do care, that you don't have to impress or force to care about you. Focus more on who you are, not who you want to be. Frankly, from what I've seen online, you're a really great person to be around. You're always vibrant and full of energy, you undertake huge projects and amounts of work and pull of miracles. And what you've done on Calc Haven just simply cannot be replicated. (That's a good thing!) Now, you may say that you're different offline, but, and this might just be me saying this, and I believe it totally, I find that people are truly themselves when they are online. Just don't give up, dude.
I'd also like to say that religion runs off of faith, which is belief in spite of reality. If you feel compelled to search for a higher purpose, I highly suggest you do so. I personally feel that any sort of religion is very helpful for one's well-being.
If that's not your cup of tea, even something like meditation or something could probably help relax your mind a bit, or even start practicing self-hypnosis. I actually know of a really good self-hypnosis web page that could probably help. PM me and I'll try to get the URL to you if you'd like.
Just hang in there.
Post by: Radical Pi on February 02, 2006, 11:18:00 am
I apologize for not replying sooner. I look at my social skills as inferior, so I thought I would say something wrong. (very bad in this case.)
It seems people get more depressed in winter, and its natural. In just a few months people will feel better, and I'm sure you would too. (speaking from experience)
What you are about to do is a big step, irreversible.
I can't think of much else to say, because I've only known you since, well, maybe December. But i do have some advice:
Friend, just don't.
Post by: CDI on February 02, 2006, 12:05:00 pm
Okay, to clear up one reoccuring point of confusion, the girl is not the reason for the depresson, the 5 years of neglected feelings is, the girl just opened up one VERY large gate to a VERY bad place in my mind...
It wouldn't be that bad if, maybe... I dunno... maybe if I couldn't think... or maybe if I could sleep... (having gotten 1.5 hours of sleep for the past 5 days) or maybe if I didn't keep putting people in front of me... like today I made sure this other girl (none of the prevous mentioned) was okay after her not knowing where her boyfriend was for the past 6 days (and still dosen't)...
And ontop of all that I can't let people at school or at home know exactally how depressed I am because then their look at me would change, making me more depressed...
All in all, I have gottem a tiny bit better over the past few days... not much... but some... the hardest part will be come this friday after school when I'll probably get grounded because of grades and get this social interaction and calculators taken away...
Post by: arcane wizard on February 02, 2006, 12:08:00 pm
| QUOTE (CDI @ 1 February 2006, 19:46) |
| as for people to talk to, I have IRC... but past that no... nobody here knows/understands... and we can't affors a theapist... |
Someone who'll listen and cares will do.
Post by: axcho on February 02, 2006, 12:29:00 pm
About getting grounded, are your parents approachable to talk with? I mean, grounding you isn't exactly the best way to get your life back together. If you could discuss with them what to do that would probably be better. Do they have email addresses? Maybe we could try to convince them not to cut you off from us.
Post by: CDI on February 02, 2006, 12:37:00 pm
Post by: tifreak on February 02, 2006, 02:07:00 pm
Also, how old are you? I never asked before, because it wasn't important...
Post by: DJ Omnimaga on February 02, 2006, 02:10:00 pm
Post by: kalan_vod on February 02, 2006, 03:41:00 pm
Post by: tifreak on February 02, 2006, 04:10:00 pm
Post by: dysfunction on February 02, 2006, 04:38:00 pm
Post by: necro on February 02, 2006, 04:55:00 pm
Any ways...when life kicks you in the balls, just roll over, vomit, get up, and go on living because sometimes life will give you a nice errrr...pleasuring.
Actualy...my advice is this, find something or some one you like and focus on them/it...the rest of the world can screw it. A note though, things are much less prone to reject than people are...not that that should matter.
Post by: Spellshaper on February 02, 2006, 11:24:00 pm
I
Post by: tifreak on February 03, 2006, 02:04:00 am
Post by: spengo on February 03, 2006, 08:44:00 am
Post by: Master Jc on February 03, 2006, 09:00:00 am
Post by: kalan_vod on February 03, 2006, 09:46:00 am
Post by: CDI on February 03, 2006, 10:13:00 am
Post by: Ranman on February 03, 2006, 12:56:00 pm
We are all pulling for you! :hi:
Post by: Spellshaper on February 04, 2006, 01:44:00 am
Post by: CDI on February 04, 2006, 04:28:00 am
Post by: DJ Omnimaga on February 04, 2006, 04:50:00 am
Post by: Ranman on February 04, 2006, 04:50:00 am
Post by: CDI on February 04, 2006, 04:54:00 am
Post by: DJ Omnimaga on February 04, 2006, 05:05:00 am
I want to see them :D
Post by: CDI on February 04, 2006, 05:07:00 am
Post by: DJ Omnimaga on February 04, 2006, 05:10:00 am
Post by: CDI on February 04, 2006, 05:54:00 am
Post by: DJ Omnimaga on February 04, 2006, 06:08:00 am
Post by: spengo on February 04, 2006, 07:02:00 am
Post by: CDI on February 04, 2006, 07:05:00 am
Post by: tifreak on February 04, 2006, 08:06:00 am
But I still say get a puppy. :)
Post by: CDI on February 04, 2006, 08:11:00 am
Post by: Ranman on February 04, 2006, 08:24:00 am
Post by: kalan_vod on February 04, 2006, 08:39:00 am
Post by: Master Jc on February 04, 2006, 12:35:00 pm
Post by: Radical Pi on February 04, 2006, 02:27:00 pm
).Post by: kalan_vod on February 04, 2006, 03:18:00 pm
Post by: CDI on February 06, 2006, 09:38:00 am
a ) School depresses me, except for 2 people there
b ) The girl I had a "crush" (if you will) on refused to know me because I was suicidal (I guess) which makes that her fault, If I was suicidal, then I was depressed, and refusing to know depressed people is bad
c ) Promises are VERY hard to keep... but they are possible... just very hard
d ) It's very diffucult to tell someone "You kinda saved my life on friday" without sounding stupid
Post by: dysfunction on February 06, 2006, 09:48:00 am
Post by: CDI on February 06, 2006, 09:58:00 am
Post by: CDI on February 14, 2006, 10:12:00 am
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.
ColdPlay - Fix You
What if there was no line?
Nothing wrong, nothing right.
What if there was no time?
And no reason or rhyme.
What if you should decide, that you don't want me there by your side.
That you don't want me there in your life.
What if I got it wrong, and no poem or song
Could put right what I got wrong
Or make you feel I belong
What if you should decide that you don't want me there by your side
That you don't want me there in your life.
Oooh, that's right
Let's take a breath jump over the side
Oooh, that's right
How can you know it if you don't even try
Oooh, that's right
Every step that you take could be your biggest mistake
It could bend or it could break
But that's the risk that you take
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there in your life
That you don't want me there by your side.
Oooh, that's right
Let's take a breath jump over the side
Oooh, that's right
How can you know it when you don't even try
Oooh, that's right
Ohhhhh
Oooh, that's right
Let's take a breath jump over the side
Oooh, that's right
You know that darkness always turns into light
Oooh, that's right
ColdPlay - What If
Happy
Post by: tifreak on February 14, 2006, 10:21:00 am
Post by: CDI on February 14, 2006, 10:25:00 am
Post by: Spellshaper on February 14, 2006, 10:50:00 am
ugh... at least you didn
Post by: CDI on February 14, 2006, 10:57:00 am
Post by: DJ Omnimaga on February 15, 2006, 03:04:00 am
| QUOTE (tifreak8x @ Feb 14 2006, 16:21) |
| Don't feel bad CDI, I am alone this valentines day as well... :( |
same here
Post by: kalan_vod on February 15, 2006, 04:03:00 am
.
Post by: DJ Omnimaga on February 15, 2006, 07:55:00 am
Post by: kalan_vod on February 15, 2006, 10:03:00 am
| QUOTE (xlibman @ Feb 15 2006, 13:55) |
| I was at work :/ |
I noticed! You haven't been on omnimaga when I was on it for a while now...
Post by: DJ Omnimaga on February 15, 2006, 10:56:00 am
Instead of working
Sun 7:45 AM - 2:45 PM
Mon 9:30 AM - 4:30 PM
Tue ---
Wed 2:30 PM 9:30 PM
Thu 9:30 AM - 4:30 PM
Fri 9:30 AM - 4:30 PM
Sat ---
this week I work
Sun ---
Mon 2:30 PM 9:30 PM
Tue 2:30 PM 9:30 PM
Wed ---
Thu 9:30 AM - 4:30 PM
Fri 9:30 AM - 4:30 PM
Sat 9:30 AM - 3:30 PM
:P
on another note sometimes I was still not here, my interest into calc stuff kinda dropped lately