Omnimaga

General Discussion => Other Discussions => Humour and Jokes => Topic started by: skuller972 on June 14, 2009, 10:01:48 am

Title: Chuck Norris Jokes
Post by: skuller972 on June 14, 2009, 10:01:48 am
Lets make a list of Chuck Norris jokes! Just copy and paste the last poster's list and add your own.

*start here*

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter"
If you mispell "Chuck Norris" on Google, it doesn't say "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It says "Run while you still have a chance!"
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Jokes
Post by: Eeems on June 14, 2009, 03:28:56 pm
Chuck Norris once shot down an enemy air plane by pointing at it and saying "bang!"
Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups, he pushes the world down
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Jokes
Post by: Speler on June 14, 2009, 10:03:26 pm
Not a big fan of these kinds of jokes, but I would like to point out how much more awesome I am then Chuck Norris.  Seriously, I'm the shit.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Jokes
Post by: tifreak on June 15, 2009, 03:00:16 pm
O o
/¯/________________________________________
| IMMA FIRIN' MAH LAZAAAR! BLAAAAAH!!!
\_\¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Jokes
Post by: Eeems on June 15, 2009, 03:33:29 pm
Quote from: Speler on June 14, 2009, 10:03:26 pm
Not a big fan of these kinds of jokes, but I would like to point out how much more awesome I am then Chuck Norris.  Seriously, I'm the shit.
I would start running and hiding right now
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Jokes
Post by: DJ Omnimaga on June 15, 2009, 03:40:22 pm
Well to be fair I myself am not too much of a fan either, as I don't understand most english jokes. Basiclaly I'm not a fan of most existing jokes unless they are in french.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Jokes
Post by: Drak on June 15, 2009, 04:59:52 pm
Quote from: skuller972 on June 14, 2009, 10:01:48 am
Lets make a list of Chuck Norris jo

no.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Jokes
Post by: ralphdspam on May 06, 2011, 08:20:31 pm
Chuck Norris never makes a necropost.  He kills the post itself.  [I know it's lame]

All of Chuck Norris's genes are dominant.
Charlie Sheen is winning, but Chuck Norris already won. 
Chuck Norris can divide by 0.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Jokes
Post by: Deep Toaster on May 06, 2011, 08:21:53 pm
Chuck Norris won the Game. Twice.
Chuck Norris saw Medusa and she turned to stone.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Jokes
Post by: Darl181 on May 06, 2011, 08:28:17 pm
(http://www.bored383.com/gallery/albums/Random/chuck_norris_demotivational_poster_1219689874.jpg)
yay google images
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Jokes
Post by: Deep Toaster on May 06, 2011, 08:30:28 pm
O.o

Frighteningly appropriate.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Jokes
Post by: TsukasaZX on May 06, 2011, 08:36:52 pm
You can't get directions to Chuck Norris from Google Maps or any other map/directions service. You don't find Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris finds you.

Chuck Norris is why Waldo is hiding.

Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego? Chuck Norris knows.

When people go to bed, they check for the boogieman. When the boogieman goes to bed, he checks for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris's tears are theorized as being a panacea for all known illness and disease. Sadly, Chuck Norris doesn't cry.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Jokes
Post by: Yeong on May 06, 2011, 08:37:34 pm
The math teacher asked Jim a question and Jim answered "Chuck Norris." She said no and she was to be never seen again.
Chuck Norris doesn't get wounded;He decides when to bleed.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Jokes
Post by: TsukasaZX on May 06, 2011, 08:40:26 pm
Originally, Chuck Norris was slated to appear in Mortal Kombat. Unfortunately, every time the user pressed any given button, all the Chuck Norris character did was roundhouse kick the opponent, never missing, and winning the entire match, regardless of health, round, or time. As such, the character was removed. Later, when asked about this bizarre bug, Norris replied "What bug?"

Why are we concerned about WMDs in other countries? Chuck Norris lives in America.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Jokes
Post by: Yeong on May 06, 2011, 08:41:52 pm
Bermuda triangle used to be Bermuda square;Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked one island away.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Jokes
Post by: Deep Toaster on May 06, 2011, 08:50:12 pm
Chuck Norris can't ki

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=find+chuck+norris&l=1
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Jokes
Post by: ruler501 on May 06, 2011, 10:07:14 pm
The character Chuck Norris was originally considered fo the game civ IV but then they realized he would conquer the globe in <0 turns
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Jokes
Post by: Freyaday on May 06, 2011, 10:47:35 pm
They once asked Chuck Norris to play James Bond.
He said No.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Jokes
Post by: Juju on May 06, 2011, 10:57:36 pm
Chuck Norris can touch a blue lobster without making it explode.
Chuck Norris can count to infinity. Twice.
Chuck Norris never get RAM clears on his calc. The OS is too afraid.
Chuck Norris can run OS 2.71 without any glitch or bug, at twice the speed.
Chuck Norris and DJ_O are the only 2 known people to have posted from the future.
Chuck Norris Axe programs debugs and fixes themselves, by fear they cause a RAM clear. After all, nobody disappoints Chuck Norris.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Jokes
Post by: Freyaday on May 06, 2011, 11:05:45 pm
Chuck Norris makes his own Chuck Norris jokes.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Jokes
Post by: Deep Toaster on May 06, 2011, 11:08:50 pm
Chuck Norris can divide anything by zero. And that by zero.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Jokes
Post by: Darl181 on May 06, 2011, 11:10:58 pm
Chuck Norris ninja's the people that post before him.
Title: Re: Chuck Norris Jokes
Post by: Freyaday on May 06, 2011, 11:51:00 pm
Noone posts before Chuck Norris.
*This message brought to you by Chuck Norris