Omnimaga
General Discussion => Other Discussions => Humour and Jokes => Topic started by: fb39ca4 on November 22, 2010, 06:45:21 pm
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A quote from the netham45 jailbreak microwave topic:
More like burnt to a crisp meals.
The number of house fires will go up dramatically, and the majority will have been started by overheating microwaves.
Speaking of which, good thing the TI-OS programmers haven't been programming microwaves
What would happen?
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I believe this was in reference to overclocking, but I'll give it my best shot.
1. It would have a run indicator always running.
2. When the microwave turns off, only the light goes off, and it makes no noise, but in reality, the microwave is still running.
3. Errors would automatically abort the current meal with no chance to correct them, then lock the meal inside the microwave because the meal could be radiocative.
4. The microwave is upgradable to use the new MircowavePrintTM, or MP for short, to make it really difficult to tell the microwave to run for 30 seconds.
5. All times must be put in as some function of a quadratic equation. (Quadratic solver not included, and must be re-programmed each time due to memory issues.)
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6. Cooking times would be entered using RPS (Reverse Polish Sausage) Notation inside of the quadratic solver.
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6. Cooking times would be entered using RPS (Reverse Polish Sausage) Notation inside of the quadratic solver.
Hey, we are discussing TI microwave, not HP microwave!
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If TI made a microwave we would hack it in less than a day.
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7. Despite being a microwave, it would have overheating issues. :o
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8. The microwave will reset every few hours by its own error.
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6. Cooking times would be entered using RPS (Reverse Polish Sausage) Notation inside of the quadratic solver.
Hey, we are discussing TI microwave, not HP microwave!
It would fit with bad user interface, though... And I'm positive there are RPN programs for 83+/84+'s.
But yeah, HP would probably be more likely to use RPS.
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9: If you actually use it you get a mem clear and have to reinstall the OS
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10. Microwaving a meal is really long, unless you use assembly.
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11. It's handheld
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12. It makes people prefer conventional ovens. :o
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13. because it is a handheld, there is no protection to prevent the things around your meal(fruits, vegetables, hamsters, etc) from heating up and exploding.
14. also because it is a handheld, it requires a car battery to operate.
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15. If it crashes, all of the cooking presets are lost.
16. It draws too much current, making the battery explode.
17. TI tries to make money by selling an emulator of the microwave.
18. It has way more RAM than a microwave deserves.
19. It has a monochrome screen, while the competitors are coming out with color models.
20. It includes completely useless presets loaded on to it, taking up most of the memory. When the microwave resets, the user must delete them again
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21. Fortunately they left this buffer overflow in the grill function, thanks to it we can play DDR with the buttons.
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22: There is no sound support. You never know when your meal is done!
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23: BrandonW would release three patches for the microwave's OS in the first week.
24: Someone would write a Pokemon port for it.
25: There would be >9000 quadratic solvers on it.
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26: You need to use TI-Microwave-Connect to start the microwave.
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27. you can cookz and haz cherriez ON YOUR MICROWAVEZ!
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22: There is no sound support. You never know when your meal is done!
28. You can plug headphones in the 2.5mm link port or put the microwave near an AM radio and you may hear sound, so you can hack sound support.
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29: The link port allows for delicious multiplayer cooking.
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30: Microwaves made by competitors are similar in price, but offer significantly more features. For some reason, TI microwaves are still the most popular.
31: Higher end microwaves are banned from tests due to their faster cooking time and Qwerty keyboards.
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32: you have a GB emu on your microwave, though TI shames it.
33: it doez not comez with cherriez
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34: someone makes the microwave password-protected
35: food comes out with 96X64 size.
Random stuff:
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What the heck??!
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36: Normal food is only 95x63 pixels. Only assembly food can use the whole screen.
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37: Though assembly food cannot exceed 8811 bites/mouthfuls without a taco shell. Or it can be evaded by being compiled into a meal app.
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38. Assembly food is faster and takes a shorter time to cook, but if you make the food wrong it can explode and reset your microwaves settings. The food mysteriously disappears after this... as well as any other food that happened to be in the microwave
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39: unless it was stored in the archive cabinet (which is much larger than the cooking cabinet) beforehand
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Even though it has no RAM it would display "RAM Cleared" all the time.
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40: It would have exactly 24536 bytes and 5 extra bits of RAM, though most people would play with those last 5 bits instead of the 24536 bytes before them.
41: TI would screw any earlier compatibility and make it use a tenerary number system
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n: The latest “Nspire” model would be released claiming to make all previous models obsolete despite having far fewer features and more limitations
n+1: Every operation on this new model would have to be typed as function names with arguments (e.g., “cook(3, 100)” (three minutes on high/100%), “stop()”, “opendoor()”) followed by Enter because of the lack of a getKey function
n+2: Someone would release a project to allow third-party ASM programming in order to address the above issue, but TI would keep releasing OS updates in an attempt to stop it and/or threaten with DMCA notices
n+3: The timer could only be set in increments of one minute, even though the earlier models let you enter times in minutes and seconds
n+4: Fortunately, you could just plug in an 84+ keypad and use the much simpler, more convenient interface that the previous 83+/84+ models had instead
n+5: There would be a child safety lock feature called “push to test” that would prevent the microwave from activating, but you'd have to get a special link cable and connect to another microwave of the same model when you wanted to use it again
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n+7. There would only be five different meals you could cook, until you hacked it to support all meals.
n+8. It would have emulation support of older model microwaves, but switching between modes would wear out the microwave.
48. Meals would come out monochrome, only consisting of charcoal and ash. If you use assembly, then you can get food in grayscale, or blue food.
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48. Meals would come out monochrome, only consisting of charcoal and ash. If you use assembly, then you can get food in grayscale, or blue food.
XD Nice one.
49: The first few models wouldn't even come with a timer. As a result, cooking times would have errors of up to 35%.
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48. Meals would come out monochrome, only consisting of charcoal and ash. If you use assembly, then you can get food in grayscale, or blue food.
Haha, that's my favorite one so far. ;D
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or=fb39ca4 link=topic=5421.msg90784#msg90784 date=1290549998]
48. Meals would come out monochrome, only consisting of charcoal and ash. If you use assembly, then you can get food in grayscale, or blue food.
50: "Blue food" would be extremely damaging to the microwave itself and would be produced by spontaneous combustion.
51: This "blue food" would be extremely unpredictable. It would almost always be overcooked in weird, horizontal patterns.
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52: Your microwaves food has to be 2D, because the graph system can't support 3D food.
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53: The microwave fan would consist of a single blade spinning on an axle. It would in fact support a more efficient eight=blade fan, and the blades are already included and ready to use, but you'll have to use your imagination to activate it.
(That's a reference to Circle(X,Y,R,{i}), if you didn't get it at first.)
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LOL, that is hilarious. :P btw, why didn't TI make the {i} one default, and why "{i}"? ???
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...because they are too much of a pr0h@x0r company to do anything the normal and sensible way ;)
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52: Your microwaves food has to be 2D, because the graph system can't support 3D food.
54. If you get the advanced model, which also supports solving recipes, you can cook 3D food.
55. That advanced model will get a remake sometime in the future, breaking compatibility with many types of food. Someone writes a patch to fix the food.
56. TI also makes a really simple model, which can only cook simple types of food. However, you can patch the OS of the original model to run on the simple model, as they both have identical hardware.
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LOL, that is hilarious. :P btw, why didn't TI make the {i} one default, and why "{i}"? ???
Actually, any complex list would work. Even {3984e^194i}. TI is weird :P
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I tried storing {i} into L1, and tried Circle(0,0,5,L1, but that doesn't work. ???
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It did for me... Shot?
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hmm, I gonna try again.
EDIT: ok, it worked, I guess I left something out. ???
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57: There is a Cancel button (which also happens to be the button that turns the microwave on). However, cancelling before it finishes heating your food gives an ERR:BREAK with an option to find the place where the food hasn't been heated yet.
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58. While your food is cooking, you can see an odd moving line in the corner.
59. You can cook 10 meals at the touch of a button, but they don't cook in parallel.
60. In the new model, the food isn't cooked beginning to end, rather, the microwave skips a bunch of spots, and comes back to fill in the holes.
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59. You can cook 10 meals at the touch of a button, but they don't cook in parallel.
61. They could cook in parallel, but you have to change the settings every time you turn the microwave on, and they would cook much slower.
62. It would come pre-loaded with a bunch of useless functions that you would have to delete every time you turned the microwave on in order to cook a meal of any significant size.
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63. there are nethams involved in jailbreaking them
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64: You can make a program for it that jailbreaks a blender
EDIT: Ninja'd kinda i guess
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65: There are four different cooking modes. One of them will only cook liquids, one refuses to cook anything that isn't circular, one of them requires that you define the area to be cooked, and the other is is probably useful, but no one has ever figured out how to use it.
66: There are a lot of features within the microwave that have nothing to do with cooking and it includes at least one dead token that will generate errors if used.
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What's the 4th mode? Been a while since I last used an 8x.
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Sequential graphing.
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Oh yeah...
*All of a sudden, memories flood fb39ca4's head.
Could be useful for crumbs, though.
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67: Cooking any part of a lobster would make it explode!
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I know how to use sequential graphing :P
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I only managed to figure it out after about an hour with the manual and a book on chaos theory :P
68: The microwave would have approximately half of its functions undocumented, making third party repair nearly impossible.
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69: Anyone who actually tries to repair the microwave would receive a prompt DMCA takedown notice.
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69: Anyone who actually tries to repair the microwave would receive a prompt DMCA takedown notice.
70: ...or uses their fonts.
(yes, I know it was a joke)
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71: You would also get DMCA notices for hosting microwave OSes.
72: TI would try to counter attempts to hack the microwave with new versions of the OS.
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73: CASIO will start to make Microwaves too.
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74: Pressing ON stops the cooking of BASIC food
75: If you pause the cooking, it shows alternating, flashing dots on the top.
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76: It will cost far more than the hardware itself costs. The justification will be that it includes a comprehensive gourmet cooking suite, the vast majority of which will never be used by most users.
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77: They'll manage to have a monopoly on the microwave industry, then to add to #76, they'll charge about $400-500 for microwaves.
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78: If you attempt to cook any foods that are not in the gourmet cooking suite, the microwave will short circuit.
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79: Every time the microwave overcooks something, the clock is reset
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80: Since 0:00 is the default cooking time, pressing Start without specifying the amount of time to cook would cause the microwave to run for 18:12:16.
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81: The food that comes in its suite will be fancy-looking but tasteless.
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81.5: . . . but only after you install the first operating system update in years. Also, it will usually spoil in less than an hour.
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77: They'll manage to have a monopoly on the microwave industry, then to add to #76, they'll charge about $400-500 for microwaves.
83: Despite its main competitor having much more useful features.
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84. err... yeah...
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:o
They listened to us...
/me runs off to make an "Unlock nspire" thread*
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Lol at the pic ;D
What the heck is that meal below, though? X.x
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It looks like a donut...???
If you look closely, you can see THE GAME things that look like sprinkles.
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I don't see it x.x
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Closer...closer...closer.../me hypnotizes people
It could just be really bumpy or something...
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Maybe it's only visible under certain LCD monitor contrasts?
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Possible, idk really...
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yuck. It just looks like a burnt donut. (Or is it B/W TI-exclusive version of donut?)
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it's a B&W one, if you use ASM, I think you can get a greyscale one, though. :P
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Awesome :P
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84: If you wait two months, you can get food in full color for less money from one of their competitors.
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85: And yet the monochrome TI version would still outsell it.