Author Topic: My Complaint About Eeems  (Read 5403 times)

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Offline pimathbrainiac

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My Complaint About Eeems
« on: February 13, 2014, 04:58:50 pm »
Eeems will almost certainly blow a gasket when he reads this letter but I obviously must make the case that prejudices are what what I call otiose slobs use for reason. First things first: Eeems might have been in a lethargic state of autointoxication when he said that the world's salvation comes from whims, irrationality, and delusions. More likely, perhaps, is that there are some simple truths in this world. First, Eeems uses his influence to equip obscene, heinous thugs with flame throwers, hand grenades, and heat-seeking missiles. Second, he is guilty of a shocking display of dishonesty and sophistry. And finally, the world is full of people who sensationalize all of the issues. We don't need any more people like that. What we need are people who are willing to put an end to hectoring fetishism. We need people who understand that there's no shortage of sin in the world today. It's been around since the Garden of Eden and will definitely persist as long as Eeems continues to vandalize our neighborhoods.

Even though supposedly distancing himself from tactless milksops, Eeems has really not changed his spots at all. He attributes the most distorted, bizarre, and ludicrous “meanings” to ordinary personality characteristics. For example, if you're shy, Eeems calls you “fearful and withdrawn”. If, instead, you're the outgoing and active type, he says you're “acting out due to trauma”. Why does Eeems say such things? Let me answer from my own personal perspective: As many of you know, I realized a long time ago that the justification Eeems gave for making warlordism socially acceptable was one of the most oleaginous justifications I've ever heard. It was so oleaginous, in fact, that I will not repeat it here. Even without hearing the details you can still see my point quite clearly: Eeems is causing all sorts of problems for us. We must grasp these problems with both hands and deal with them in a forthright way.

Eeems's stances leave me with several unanswered questions: Why doesn't he reveal the truth about himself? And why can't he simply enjoy the fruits of his own labors and let other people enjoy the fruits of theirs? These are difficult questions to answer because he is currently limited to shrieking and spitting when he's confronted with inconvenient facts. By the end of the decade, however, Eeems is likely to switch to some sort of “brainwash the masses into submission” approach to draw our attention away from such facts. His vassals are the worst that humanity has to offer. To fully understand that, you need to realize that Eeems follows a dual code of morality—one morality for his fellow incorrigible, annoying creeps and another for the rest of the world. This is why he's exceedingly callous, picayunish, churlish, impetuous, prolix, pea-brained, lusk, scary, crazy, and self-deceiving. Sorry for the synathroesmus, but Eeems should not create anomie. Not now, not ever.

Eeems has announced his intentions to impose a particular curriculum, vision of history, and method of pedagogy on our school systems. While doing so may earn Eeems a gold star from the mush-for-brains sciolism crowd, whenever he is blamed for conspiring to promote group-think attitudes over individual insights, he blames his shock troops. Doing so reinforces their passivity and obedience and increases their guilt, shame, terror, and conformity, thereby making them far more willing to help Eeems taunt, deride, and generally vilipend his critics. Given his current mind-set, I'm willing to accept that he takes a perverse pleasure in watching people scurry about like rats in a maze, never quite managing to get Eeems off our backs. I'm even willing to accept that it's no secret that anyone who denies this and insists on looking at issues from a single perspective is a participant in a flat, simplistic, and incomplete world. But before he initiated a lexiphanicism flap to help promote his snooty squibs, people everywhere were expected to deal stiffly with insecure tightwads who procure explosive devices, gasoline, and detonators for use in an upcoming campaign of terror. Nowadays, it's the rare person indeed who realizes that if we let him push all of us to the brink of insanity, all we'll have to look forward to in the future is a public realm devoid of culture and a narrow and routinized professional life untouched by the highest creations of civilization.

Why is it that we need to change Eeems's drug-induced ravings for the same reason that one needs to change a baby's diapers? It's because if natural selection indeed works by removing the weakest and most genetically unfit members of a species then Eeems is clearly going to be the first to go. His policy is to provoke deceitful barmpots into action. Then, Eeems uses their responses in whatever way he sees fit, generally to jump on everything that is written, said, or even implied and label it as either brown-nosing or rabid.

Who among you reading these words is not moved to rise to the challenge of thwarting Eeems's hideous plans? How many of Eeems's satellites are pugnacious finks? I'm not comfortable throwing out an estimate that isn't backed up by specific data, but I do know that many people are incredulous when I tell them that Eeems intends to engender ill will. “How could Eeems be so bookish?”, they ask me. “It doesn't seem possible.” Well, it is certainly possible, and now I'll explain exactly how Eeems plans to do it. But first, you need to realize that his viewpoints do not represent progress. They represent insanity masquerading as progress.

At one point, I actually believed that Eeems would stop being so arrogant. Silly me. His blithe disregard for the victims of his pesky shenanigans is what first made me realize that I really don't know how to deal with the most morbid fast-talkers you'll ever see. He may mean well, but he wants to prevent us from calling people to their highest and best, not accommodating them at their lowest and least. If he manages to do that, he'll have plenty of time to focus on his core mission: punishing dissent through intimidation, public ridicule, economic exclusion, imprisonment, and most extremely, death.

Eeems has the nerve to call those of us who scuttle his villainous attempts to burn our fair cities to the ground “conspiracy theorists”. No, we're “conspiracy revealers” because we reveal that we were put on this planet to be active, to struggle, and to rub Eeems's nose in his own hypocrisy. We were not put here to send the wrong message to children, as Eeems might avouch. While this country still has far to go before people are truly judged on the content of their character, he's the type of person who will trump up any lie for the occasion, and the more of a thumper it is, the better Eeems likes it.

Moreover, Eeems maintains a “Big Brother” dossier of information about everyone he distrusts to use as a potential weapon. Is your name listed in that dossier? As you no doubt realize, that's a particularly timely question. In fact, just half an hour ago I heard someone express the opinion that Eeems has no discernible talents. The only things he has surely mastered are biological functions. Well, I suppose Eeems is also good at convincing people that free speech is wonderful as long as you're not bashing him and the intemperate philargyrists in his plunderbund, but my point is that statements like, “Any claim to the contrary is patently false” accurately express the feelings of most of us here. As we all know, there are a number of conceptual, logical, and methodological flaws in Eeems's assertions. Everybody knows that we must shake off our torpor, ignore the siren songs of rowdyism, and present a noble vision of who we were, who we are, and who we can potentially be, but you should consider that Eeems has vowed that some day he'll break our country's national and patriotic backbone and make it ripe for the slave's yoke of international propagandism. This is hardly news; Eeems has been vowing that for months with the regularity of a metronome. What is news is that all of the bad things that are currently going on are a symptom of his atrabilious, maledicent bromides. They are not a cause; they are an effect.

For the sake of the universe, I hope that this is the only planet that contains venom-spouting skinheads like Eeems. I can't help but wonder: Why does everyone hate him? Is it because of his business practices, exclusivity, disloyalty, disrespect, or because he keeps trying to funnel significant amounts of money to testy, brassbound lunkheads? While that question may not be as profound as “What's the meaning of life?” or “Is there a God?”, Eeems is driving me nuts. I can't take it anymore! Here's some news for people who are surprised by sunrise: His persistent efforts to mislead the public and policymakers with pseudo-scientific claims about jingoism will have a devastating, long-term effect on society. Last but not least, Eeems's feigned sanctity and godliness serve to disengage the critical reasoning faculties of his rivals, leading them to accept Eeems's story that it is not only acceptable but indeed desirable to make us the helpless puppets of our demographic labels.



Want to know more of my grievances? See: http://www.pakin.org/complaint
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Offline Eeems

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Re: My Complaint About Eeems
« Reply #1 on: February 13, 2014, 05:14:22 pm »
tl;dr
/e

Offline Scipi

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Re: My Complaint About Eeems
« Reply #2 on: February 13, 2014, 06:06:14 pm »
I've reached a point where I feel the need to express my disappointment with Pimathbrainiac. Let's review the errors in Pimathbrainiac's statements in order. First, in legal terminology, Pimathbrainiac is guilty of suppressio veri or “concealment of truth”. My cause is to do something about the continuing—make that the escalating—effort on his part to deny the obvious. I call upon men and women from all walks of life to support my cause with their life-affirming eloquence and indomitable spirit of human decency and moral righteousness. Only then will the whole world realize that if Pimathbrainiac ever does hinder economic growth and job creation, he will instantly have as his implacable and passionate enemies millions of people who want to spread awareness of the rude nature of Pimathbrainiac's rodomontades. Such people know that if Fate desired that he make a correct application of what he had read about plagiarism it would have to indicate title and page number since the slimy spoiled brat would otherwise never in all his life find the correct place. But since Fate does not do this, he has stated that human rights can best be protected by suspending them altogether. That's just pure nosism. Well, in Pimathbrainiac's case, it might be pure ignorance, seeing that we need to look beyond the most immediate and visible problems with Pimathbrainiac. We need to look at what is behind these problems and understand that if Pimathbrainiac isn't disgraceful, I don't know who is.

Still, I have no idea why Pimathbrainiac believes that one can understand the elements of a scientific theory only by reference to the social condition and personal histories of the scientists involved. Perhaps the thought popped into his head during omphaloskepsis. In any case, I want to unify our community. Pimathbrainiac, in contrast, wants to drive divisive ideological wedges through it. To sum it all up, Pimathbrainiac justifies his unholy nature by denying that we must do away with the misconception that he would never dream of working both sides of the political fence.

Also Pimath, 1117 posts. 117 is my lucky number :P

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Wait... This just in, the Omnimagians have sent the UN a list of demands that must be met or else the world will be "submitted to the wrath of Netham45's Lobster Army". Such demands include >9001 crates of peanuts, sacrificial blue lobsters, and a wide assortment of cherry flavored items. With such computing power stored in the hands of such people, we can only hope these demands are met.

In the wake of these events, we can only ask, Why? Why do these people make these demands, what caused them to gather, and what are their future plans...

Offline DJ Omnimaga

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Re: My Complaint About Eeems
« Reply #3 on: February 13, 2014, 08:30:03 pm »
At first, I was wondering why this thread didn't contain "the game" or "losing", then I realized it was auto-generated like that complain about Nikky thread on Cemetech. :P

Offline pimathbrainiac

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Re: My Complaint About Eeems
« Reply #4 on: February 13, 2014, 09:15:05 pm »
Oh DJ, why would I ever do that? ;D

I actually got inspired when I searched "lobster" in the search bar and came upon this thread (By Eeems, ironically): http://ourl.ca/4203
« Last Edit: February 13, 2014, 09:15:19 pm by pimathbrainiac »
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My complain about Omnimaga
« Reply #5 on: February 13, 2014, 09:22:58 pm »
I think I'll confound my critics by devoting this letter not to describing stiff-necked, temulent shrewish-types in general, but Omnimaga in particular. Perhaps before going on, I should describe Omnimaga to you. Omnimaga is grumpy, parviscient, and sanguinary. Furthermore, it yearns to ignore compromise and focus solely on its personal agenda.

Omnimaga's faithfuls have the gall to accuse me of dismantling the guard rails that protect society from the aspheterism-oriented elements in its midst. Were these stentorian fault-finders born without a self-awareness gene? Whenever that question is asked, Omnimaga and its comrades run and hide. I suspect that that's precisely what they're going to do now so as to avoid hearing me say that you may make the comment, “What does this have to do with raucous dips?” Well, once you begin to see the light you'll realize that we should rise above the narrow confines of self-existence to the broader concerns of all humanity. (Goodness knows, our elected officials aren't going to.)

Did you know that some odious upstarts want to help Omnimaga diminish society's inducements to good behavior? Others just want to ride the hooliganism bandwagon. In either case, while Omnimaga has been beating the drums of alarmism, I've been trying to test the assumptions that underlie Omnimaga's denunciations. In doing so, I've learned that it should clarify its point so people like you and me can tell what the heck it's talking about. Without clarification, its beliefs sound lofty and include some emotionally charged words but don't really seem to make any sense. I, not being one of the many besotted, carnaptious flag burners of this world, really believe that we should protect the interests of the general public against the greed and unreason of vitriolic rampallions, and I have formalized my commitment to this high ideal by ensuring that I always get us out of the hammerlock in which Omnimaga is holding us. As this letter draws to a close, I should state that I regret not having been able to say more about how even Omnimaga's least slimy slaves supplement their already-generous incomes by selling contraband on the black market. However, I hope I've told you enough to spur you on to find out more for yourself.

Offline Siapran

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Re: My Complaint About Eeems
« Reply #6 on: February 14, 2014, 01:34:19 am »
Although I generally believe that the less said about Mr. Cave Johnson, the better, I do feel obligated to say a few things about Mr. Johnson's disorderly opinions. My hope is that the following text will delight the critical and offer food for thought to those contemplating Mr. Johnson's footling inclinations. He's planning to exploit issues such as the global economic crisis and the increase in world terrorism in order to instigate planet-wide chaos. Planet-wide chaos is Mr. Johnson's gateway to global tyranny, which will in turn enable him to feed us ever-larger doses of his lies and crackpot assumptions. His latest manifesto, like all the ones that preceded it, is a consummate anthology of disastrously bad writing teeming with misquotations and inaccuracies, an odyssey of anecdotes that are occasionally entertaining but certainly not informative. This is well illustrated in what remains one of the most divisive issues of our day: negativism.

Let me move now from the abstract to the concrete. That is, let me give you a (mercifully) few examples of Mr. Johnson's outrageous ineptitude. For starters, his plans for the future cannot stand on their own merit. That's why they're dependent on elaborate artifices and explanatory stories to convince us that Mr. Johnson's feral club is a respected civil-rights organization. I recently heard a famous celebrity—I forgot which one—say, “By letting Mr. Johnson control what we do and how we do it, we are playing a loser's game.” That's such a great quote, I wish I had been the one who thought of it. Sadly, the cleverest thing I ever said was that to say that irritating doomsday prophets make the best scoutmasters and schoolteachers is lickerish nonsense and untrue to boot.

I mean, the tone of Mr. Johnson's projects is eerily reminiscent of that of intolerant, treasonous renegades of the late 1940s in the sense that at this point in the letter I had planned to tell you that I am appalled by the vast generalizations in Mr. Johnson's claim that one can understand the elements of a scientific theory only by reference to the social condition and personal histories of the scientists involved. However, one of my colleagues pointed out that all Mr. Johnson cares about is money. Hence, I discarded the discourse I had previously prepared and substituted the following discussion in which I argue that he sometimes has trouble convincing people that he's a tribune of the oppressed. When he has such trouble, he usually trots out a few pouty con artists to constate authoritatively that metagrobolism is a be-all, end-all system that should be forcefully imposed upon us. Whether or not that trick of his works, it's still the case that if I wanted to brainwash and manipulate a large segment of the population, I would convince them that it's okay for Mr. Johnson to indulge his every whim and lust without regard for anyone else or for society as a whole. In fact, that's exactly what Mr. Johnson does as part of his quest to censor any incomplicitous invectives. I'll talk about that another time. I have other, more important, things to discuss now. For starters, there's something fishy about Mr. Johnson's opuscula. I think he's up to something, something dastardly and perhaps even undiplomatic. With this letter, I hope I have made my views crystal-clear: Everyone knows of the lust and driving passion that has caused this problem.


The people who wrote this had either too much free time, or too much complaints to file...

Offline Joshuasm32

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Re: My Complaint About Eeems
« Reply #7 on: February 14, 2014, 01:50:29 am »
I am going to use this thread as an opportunity to make my complaint about Mr. Rick Roll, who has mercilessly ruined my life and the lives of my children.  The nature and extent of our current national crisis, as well as its causes and cures, are the subject of intense political struggle. I offer this letter as a contribution to that struggle and debate in hopes of helping to show you, as dispassionately as possible, what kind of repulsive thoughts Mr. Rick Roll is thinking about these days. Without going into all the gory details, let's just say that Mr. Rick Roll wants us to emulate the White Queen from Lewis Carroll's Through the Looking Glass, who strives to believe “as many as six impossible things before breakfast”. Then again, even the White Queen would have trouble believing that serfism is the catholicon for all the world's ills. I prefer to believe things that my experience tells me are true, such as that Mr. Rick Roll has never satisfactorily proved his assertion that divine ichor flows through his veins. He has merely justified that assertion with the phrase, “Because I said so.”

I deeply believe that it's within our grasp to discuss the programmatic foundations of Mr. Rick Roll's materialistic, catty politics in detail. Be grateful for this first and last tidbit of comforting news. The rest of this letter will center around the way that he wants to see a love of gangsterism inculcated in children from a very early age. I challenge him to move from his broad derogatory generalizations to specific instances to prove otherwise. I, speaking as someone who is not a dangerous paranoiac, realize that some people may have trouble reading this letter. Granted, not everyone knows what “incomprehensibility” means, but it's nevertheless easy to understand that knowledge and wisdom are Mr. Rick Roll's enemies. He understands that by limiting education and enlightenment, he can fool more people into believing that he can ignore rules, laws, and protocol without repercussion. Sadly, those with the least education are those who would benefit most from the knowledge that it's best to ignore most of the quotes that Mr. Rick Roll so frequently cites. He takes quotes out of context; uses misleading, irrelevant, and out-of-date quotes; and presents quotes from legitimate authorities used misleadingly to support contentions that they did not intend and that are not true. In short, Mr. Rick Roll uses his influence to demonize my family and friends. That's clear. But his vituperations are destructive. They're morally destructive, socially destructive—even intellectually destructive. And, as if that weren't enough, he denies ever having tried to turn our country into a foul cesspool overrun with scum, disease, and crime. I assume he's merely trying to cover his posterior, as the truth is that whenever Mr. Rick Roll announces that his plane of understanding is beyond the realm of human imagining, his groupies applaud on cue and the accolades are long and ostentatious. What's funny is that they don't provide similar feedback whenever I tell them that I have hated every stubborn bucket of tendentious swill ever written by this contumacious, lamebrained moral weakling. So let Mr. Rick Roll call me infantile. I call him unprincipled.

Mr. Rick Roll wants us to believe that “metanarratives” are the root of tyranny, lawlessness, overpopulation, racial hatred, world hunger, disease, and rank stupidity. How stupid does he think we are? That's the big question. If you knew the answer to that then you'd also know why people often get the impression that cheeky sideshow barkers and Mr. Rick Roll's eulogists are separate entities. Not so. When one catches cold, the other sneezes. As proof, note that Mr. Rick Roll exhibits an air of superiority. You realize, of course, that that's really just a defense mechanism to cover up his obvious inferiority.

If you've read this far then you probably either agree with me or are on the way to agreeing with me. Mr. Rick Roll has been doing “in-depth research” (whatever he thinks that means) to prove that he would never dream of insulting the intelligence, interests, and life plans of whole groups of people. I should mention that I've been doing some research of my own. So far, I've “discovered” that documents written by Mr. Rick Roll's yes-men typically include the line, “Mr. Rick Roll is morally obligated to lash out at everyone and everything in sight”, in large, 30-point type, as if the size of the font gives weight to the words. In reality, all that that fancy formatting really does is underscore the fact that Mr. Rick Roll should think about how his publications lead deluded, purblind ochlocrats to test another formula for silencing serious opposition. If Mr. Rick Roll doesn't want to think that hard, perhaps he should just keep quiet.

Mr. Rick Roll claims that it's inappropriate to teach children right from wrong. I respond that all of his hatchet jobs are paralogistic. He sometimes has trouble convincing people that cell-phone towers are in fact covert mind-control devices that use scalar waves to beam images into people's brains while they sleep. When he has such trouble, he usually trots out a few execrable, insufferable grobians to constate authoritatively that one hallmark of an advanced culture is the rejection of rationalism. Whether or not that trick of his works, it's still the case that Mr. Rick Roll's hijinks symbolize lawlessness, violence, and misguided rebellion—extreme liberty for a few, even if the rest of us lose more than a little freedom. So you see, there are a number of conceptual, logical, and methodological flaws in Mr. Rick Roll's stratagems.

For more complaints, check out my blog. (The complaints can be found at the bottom).
« Last Edit: February 15, 2014, 03:35:55 am by codebender »
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Offline Streetwalrus

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Re: My Complaint About Eeems
« Reply #8 on: February 14, 2014, 05:37:37 pm »
Lol guys I forgot how fun it was to hang around here. :D

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Re: My Complaint About Eeems
« Reply #9 on: February 14, 2014, 05:44:11 pm »
tl;dr

We don't tolerant those kinds of insults around here. Take it to another forum.
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Offline Eeems

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Re: My Complaint About Eeems
« Reply #10 on: February 14, 2014, 05:45:37 pm »
tl;dr

We don't tolerant those kinds of insults around here. Take it to another forum.
D: But...but... nobody else wants me :(
/e