Omnimaga

General Discussion => Other Discussions => Humour and Jokes => Topic started by: BalancedFury on September 08, 2011, 07:57:57 pm

Title: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: BalancedFury on September 08, 2011, 07:57:57 pm
Please post your best jokes here...
I'll start
1. What does everyone play in the world?
Spoiler For Spoiler:
The Game lol ._.
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: ztrumpet on September 08, 2011, 08:49:03 pm
2. What do you call a cow with no legs?
Spoiler For Answer:
Ground Beef
Groan. O0
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Happybobjr on September 08, 2011, 08:52:53 pm
your mom joke of my own creation.

3.  Your dad is so smart, he tried to drown you when you were a baby.  Your mom is so stupid, she saved you.
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Hayleia on September 09, 2011, 01:57:11 am
This joke is not really funny but reminds me of a sheet of paper in which there was an very funny face.
What type of lights did Noah have on the arch ?
Spoiler For Answer:
Floodlights :evillaugh:
What is yellow and can pass through walls ? The answer is really stupid.
Spoiler For Answer:
a Magic Banana ???
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: LincolnB on September 09, 2011, 05:34:01 pm
Why did the plane crash???











Because the pilot was a tomato!!!
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: flyingfisch on September 09, 2011, 07:10:15 pm
Why did the chicken cross the road? (I am not giving the answer for this one)
Spoiler For Answer:
THE GAME!!!!!!!
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: BalancedFury on September 09, 2011, 08:39:04 pm
This joke is not really funny but reminds me of a sheet of paper in which there was an very funny face.
What type of lights did Noah have on the arch ?
Spoiler For Answer:
Floodlights :evillaugh:
What is yellow and can pass through walls ? The answer is really stupid.
Spoiler For Answer:
a Magic Banana ???
Lol? A magic banana?
I like the arc joke way better
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: BalancedFury on September 09, 2011, 08:39:38 pm
Why did the chicken cross the road? (I am not giving the answer for this one)
Spoiler For Answer:
THE GAME!!!!!!!
U copied me.. lol ;)
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: BlakPilar on September 09, 2011, 10:06:23 pm
Have you heard about the circus fire?
Spoiler For :
It was intense.

Get it? It's punny.
Spoiler For I still don't get it:
"Intense" sounds like "in tents".
Spoiler For Nope. Still don't get it.:
The game.
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: flyingfisch on September 09, 2011, 10:59:41 pm
that was a good one black
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: ztrumpet on September 09, 2011, 11:01:21 pm
that was a good one black
I liked it too. ^-^
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: willrandship on September 10, 2011, 12:37:13 am
Yo mamma's so fat, she fills up the tub, then turns on the water!
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: yunhua98 on September 10, 2011, 11:23:20 am
not really a joke per se, but I love this:

(http://reface.me/wp-content/uploads/wtf-welcome-to-facebook.jpg)
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: BalancedFury on September 10, 2011, 02:26:20 pm
not really a joke per se, but I love this:

(http://reface.me/wp-content/uploads/wtf-welcome-to-facebook.jpg)
Lol
Welcome To Facebook : WTF
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Ashbad on September 10, 2011, 03:05:46 pm
An Irish buy walks out of a bar.

Spoiler For Spoiler:
No really. it *can* happen.


I love non-harmful stereotypical jokes ;D
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: ztrumpet on September 10, 2011, 03:16:06 pm
A seal walks into a club.
Spoiler For Answer:
No really, that's the joke. 8)
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: BlakPilar on September 10, 2011, 04:46:50 pm
Hahaha, nice Ashbad and ztrumpet.

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Spoiler For answer:
Unique up on him.
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Spoiler For answer:
The tame way.

Spoiler For Curse you BlakPilar and your puns!:
"Unique" sounds like "you sneak"
"Tame" sounds like "same"
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Yeong on September 10, 2011, 08:22:46 pm
What is Mario's favorite movie rental place?
Spoiler For Tell me dah answer:
BlockBuster
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: turiqwalrus on September 11, 2011, 02:31:38 am
Did you hear the joke about the farmer?
Spoiler For Spoiler:
nah, it's corny

Did you hear the joke about the airplane?
Spoiler For Spoiler:
It's way over your head
/me slinks back into corner
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: BalancedFury on September 12, 2011, 05:58:19 pm
your mom joke of my own creation.

3.  Your dad is so smart, he tried to drown you when you were a baby.  Your mom is so stupid, she saved you.
I'm sorry but it alrdy exists..
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Keoni29 on September 12, 2011, 07:05:11 pm
Your dad is so smart, he tried to grow a beard on you when you where a baby. Your mom is so stupid, she shaved you.
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Ashbad on September 12, 2011, 07:15:54 pm
Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?

Spoiler For Spoiler:
Since 25 == o31
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: BlakPilar on September 12, 2011, 07:21:42 pm
Have you heard about the sick juggler?
Spoiler For Spoiler:
He was always throwing up.

BA-DOOM-TSCH
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Yeong on September 12, 2011, 07:23:17 pm
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Spoiler For Why, dammit?:
I don't know. Ask the chicken.
 :evillaugh:
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Juju on September 12, 2011, 07:26:36 pm
Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?

Spoiler For Spoiler:
Since 25 == o31
Spoiler For In fact:
DEC 25 == OCT 31
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: ztrumpet on September 12, 2011, 07:30:33 pm
Two drums and a cymbal fell off a cliff.
Spoiler For Spoiler:
Buh - Duh - Chuu
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Yeong on September 12, 2011, 07:36:15 pm
How do you shove Venusaur, Charizard, and Blastoise into same bus?
Spoiler For Why?:
pokemon
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: LincolnB on September 12, 2011, 07:53:27 pm
What do the Titanic and the Sixth Sense (the movie) have in common?

Spoiler For answer::
I see dead people (Icy dead people)
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: BalancedFury on September 12, 2011, 08:44:06 pm
How do you stop a 2000 lbs elephant from charging?
Spoiler For Spoiler:
By taking away its credit cards

What's hard, round, and has a head?
Spoiler For Spoiler:
A quarter! :evillaugh:

Yo mama so fat, she looks like spoiled milk...
Spoiler For Spoiler:
White & Chunky!!

Yo mama so dumb, she spins a box with a x and says...
Spoiler For Spoiler:
Here's your X-box 360!

Yo mama so fat, when people want to shake her hand...
Spoiler For Spoiler:
They have to ask for directions!
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: FinaleTI on September 12, 2011, 08:47:29 pm
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Spoiler For Answer:
Because 7,10,11.  :P
Spoiler For Don't get it?:
The joke is usually 7,8,9 (7 ate 9), but in octal 8 is represented by 10, 9 by 11, etc.
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: parserp on September 15, 2011, 08:11:30 pm
Why did the little boy fall off his bicycle?

Spoiler For Spoiler:
Because someone threw a piano at him!!!
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: LincolnB on September 15, 2011, 08:34:07 pm
lol

Why did the plane crash?


Spoiler For Answer:
Because the pilot was a tomato!
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: BalancedFury on September 15, 2011, 08:38:11 pm
Why did the little boy fall off his bicycle?




Because someone threw a piano at him!!!
Lol
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: ztrumpet on September 15, 2011, 09:31:26 pm
Why did the little boy fall off his bicycle?




Because someone threw a piano at him!!!
Lol

Lol.
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: BalancedFury on September 15, 2011, 09:40:43 pm
What is the most confusing day for blond people?
Spoiler For Spoiler:
Every day  :evillaugh:

What is the most confusing day for BLACK people? (Please don't be offended)
Spoiler For Spoiler:
Father's day


Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: flyingfisch on September 17, 2011, 07:12:56 pm
RACIST!!!!!!!!!

LOL
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: flyingfisch on September 21, 2011, 02:25:06 pm
All right, I've got 2 more jokes, one is political, one's not. Please don't be offended if your a democrat.

Joke 1 (not political)
A man is walking in the desert when he sees a tepee. He comes closer and sees that there is a sign above the tepee that says "Chief Never-Forget". Well, the man decides to see if Chief Never-Forget can really remember everything, so he walks in and asks, "What did you eat for breakfast on Monday 2 weeks ago?" Chief Never-Forget replies, "eggs." Now the man is really astounded because he can't even remember what he ate for breakfast yesterday. A year later the man walks through that stretch of the country again so he decides to pay Chief Never-Forget a visit. He walks into the tepee and greets the old Chief. "How.", he says. The chief answers, "Scrambled."

Joke 2 (if you are going to be offended, don't watch the attachment)
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: BalancedFury on September 21, 2011, 09:09:33 pm
A pope was walking through the woods when he saw three republicans shielding a democrat, and beating up a bear. The pope thinks to himself : "I thought republicans and democrats were enemies! I guess I was wrong."
When the republicans were done with the bear, they loaded it on to a truck. The pope walked up to them and said "Ahh...there are good people in the world who protects their enemies!" and blessed them. When the pope left, one of the republicans said to the others : "Hey load the democrat on to the truck. Let's go hunt another bear...


(These are jokes... don't be offended)
Five black guys were on a riding on a cadillac. Then, they hit a bump, and fly off the Grand Canyon, crash, and they all die. What's sad about this story?
Spoiler For Spoiler:
A cadillac can hold more than five mexicans.



Why do blond people always have headphones on?
Spoiler For Spoiler:
Because the headphones say "Breathe in, Breathe out...
 :evillaugh:



How do chinese parents name their children?
Spoiler For Spoiler:
Throw a box of silverware down a flight of stairs
I don't get it....
Spoiler For Spoiler:
Ching Chang Chong



George Bush, the president of Mexico, and the president of Iraq were sitting in a train. The Iraquise president looked out the window, threw out a gun and said "We have too many of these in out country."
The Mexican president threw out a sombrero out the window and said "We have too many of these in our country." Then, George Bush threw out the Mexican president and said " We have too many of these in our country."
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: flyingfisch on September 21, 2011, 09:15:49 pm
funny!
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: BalancedFury on September 21, 2011, 09:17:08 pm
funny!
Which one?
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: flyingfisch on September 21, 2011, 09:36:23 pm
all of em
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: BalancedFury on September 21, 2011, 09:44:16 pm
lol

Why did the plane crash?


Spoiler For Answer:
Because the pilot was a tomato!
You put this joke 2X
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: boot2490 on September 21, 2011, 09:46:12 pm
I love racist jokes. It is a guilty pleasure.
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: BalancedFury on September 21, 2011, 09:58:42 pm
I love racist jokes. It is a guilty pleasure.
Here's two more
What do you call a black priest?
Spoiler For Spoiler:
Holy shet

Why do Muslims always turn left?
Spoiler For Spoiler:
Because they have no rights! :evillaugh:
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: flyingfisch on September 22, 2011, 10:03:25 am
I LOVE the muslim joke!
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: boot2490 on September 22, 2011, 08:20:39 pm
A guy and a duck walk into a bar.
Spoiler For Spoiler:
Ouch! Quack!
I accidentally all my verbs!!
-original
If "put it all together and sell it for less" is roomful express's slogan, then IKEA's must be "take it all apart and sell it for more"
-original
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: LincolnB on September 22, 2011, 10:34:57 pm
lol

Why did the plane crash?


Spoiler For Answer:
Because the pilot was a tomato!
You put this joke 2X

rotfl I didn't even realize that!
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: BalancedFury on September 26, 2011, 05:06:55 pm
lol

Why did the plane crash?


Spoiler For Answer:
Because the pilot was a tomato!
You put this joke 2X

rotfl I didn't even realize that!
It's fine....
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: flyingfisch on September 27, 2011, 12:06:16 pm
I just got an email from someone that said this:

Quote
Petition
 
As a rule, I don't pass along these "add your name" lists that appear in
emails, BUT this one is important.  It has been circulating for MONTHS
and has been sent to over 25 million people.
 
We don't want to lose any names on the list so just hit forward and send it
on.
 
Please keep it going!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 To show your support for re-election of President Obama, please go to the
end of the list and add your name.
 
 
1. Michelle Obama
 
2.
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Stefan Bauwens on September 27, 2011, 01:24:27 pm
Kinda silly but I made it up at the spot.
Spoiler For "It's orange, lives in the sea, sings rick astley songs all day and swallows slowly his food?":
Spoiler For "Don't get it? Okey... What lives in the sea, sings rick astley songs and swallows slowly his food?":
Spoiler For "Still don't get it? Okey... What lives in the sea and sings rick astley songs?":
Spoiler For "Still don't get it? Who/What sings rick astley songs?":
Rick astley Right? Now if you keep on using this method you'll get there. Now start again. :devil:
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: boot2490 on September 29, 2011, 07:13:03 pm
uh what?
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Yeong on September 29, 2011, 07:14:15 pm
uh what?
At least, it wasn't the bridge one :P
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: boot2490 on September 29, 2011, 08:12:53 pm
Here's one:
Knock knock!
Spoiler For who's there?:
Banana.
Spoiler For banana who?:
Knock knock!
Spoiler For who's there?:
Banana.
Spoiler For banana who?:
Knock knock!
Spoiler For who's there?:
Orange
Spoiler For Orange who?:
Orange 'ya glad I didn't say banana again?
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: parserp on September 29, 2011, 11:34:04 pm
Here's one:
Knock knock!
Spoiler For who's there?:
Banana.
Spoiler For banana who?:
Knock knock!
Spoiler For who's there?:
Banana.
Spoiler For banana who?:
Knock knock!
Spoiler For who's there?:
Orange
Spoiler For Orange who?:
Orange 'ya glad I didn't say banana again?
Wow, I had to go through like a million spoilers just to get the dumbest answer. :P
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: boot2490 on October 01, 2011, 05:15:32 pm
I know how you feel :P
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Stefan Bauwens on October 02, 2011, 05:06:53 am
A B E D H F R H DI K N M B E P Q R S T U V W X T Z   E
                                   G D
                                      O
Write your name with these letters and pretend it was the original alphabet. So if there's a C in your name, write E.
If there's a space in your name write E. Who's name will match this 'thing'?
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: p2 on October 02, 2011, 09:19:44 am
maybe my name!
p2
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Stefan Bauwens on October 02, 2011, 11:29:16 am
Nope,your name would remain p2 after this.
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: boot2490 on October 02, 2011, 05:37:38 pm
BQQT2490
That looks an awful lot like my original name.
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: pianoman on October 02, 2011, 06:03:54 pm
Ashbad?
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Stefan Bauwens on October 03, 2011, 03:56:32 am
Ashbad remains Ashbad. So nope. When you put the right name in, you will know that its correct.
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: willrandship on October 03, 2011, 04:03:55 am
thder?
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: flyingfisch on October 25, 2011, 12:29:49 pm
one hydrogen atom says to the other, "I've lost an electron!" The other one says, "really? Are you sure?" The first one says, "Yes, I'm positive!"
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Stefan Bauwens on October 25, 2011, 12:58:22 pm
Okay okay my 'joke' has something to do with 'Yeong'
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Yeong on October 25, 2011, 01:03:17 pm
Spoiler For Joke:
/me push Stefan off the bridge
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: BalancedFury on October 25, 2011, 05:10:09 pm
Here's two :D
A teacher told Tiny Tim to recite the alphabet, and so he started.
"a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y,z" he recited.
The teacher, listening carefully asked him where is the letter p, tim?
and he answered
Spoiler For Spoiler:
In my pants! :D

An old man walked into a tax collector's office with a lawyer. The lawyer told the tax collector not to bet with him, but as soon as he said that, the old man said that he wanted to bet 1.5 grand that he could bite his eye. The tax collector agreed, then the old man took out his glass eye, and bit it. A couple minutes later, the old man said that he bets double what he made that he could bite his other eye. The tax collector said ok, since he thought that the old man couldn't have 2 glass eyes and still see. The old man took out his dentures and bit his good eye. The tax collector, by now has lost 4.5 grand to betting. A couple more minutes after that, the old man said that he could bet 10 times what he earned (45 grand) to stand 10 feet away from the trash can, and pee in to it with out missing a single drop on his desk. The tax collector was sure that he couldn't do it, so he agreed. The old man dropped his pants, peed, but didn't get a single drop in to the trash can, and peed all over the tax collector's desk. The tax collector, extremely excited, saw the lawyer crying and awestruck. So, he asked him why and the lawyer said....
Spoiler For why did he cry?:
that he bet the old man 100 grand that the old man couldn't pee all over his desk, and the collector being happy about it XD
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: DJ Omnimaga on October 26, 2011, 12:00:48 am
Talking about jokes, I found this http://cemetech.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=160150#160150

Silly Nikky :P
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Juju on October 26, 2011, 12:29:34 am
Talking about jokes, I found this http://cemetech.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=160150#160150

Silly Nikky :P
I laughed.

one hydrogen atom says to the other, "I've lost an electron!" The other one says, "really? Are you sure?" The first one says, "Yes, I'm positive!"
Reminds me of a South Park quote where Cartman and Kyle gets AIDS. ("I'm not just sure, I'm HIV positive")
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Stefan Bauwens on October 26, 2011, 02:50:14 am
Talking about jokes, I found this http://cemetech.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=160150#160150

Silly Nikky :P
Made me laugh.
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Yeong on October 26, 2011, 07:14:53 pm
3 men were exploring a jungle.
Suddenly, the group of cannibals sprang up to them and tied them.
They were dragged to the chief, who said:
"Bring 10 of same kind of fruits."
The first man brought 10 apples.
The chief said, "Now, shove it in your a**. If you cry or laugh, you will die."
The first man tried not to cry, but it was painful, so he cried.
So the chief killed him.
The second man brought 10 grapes(not the bundle).
Chief told him to do the same.
He was about to finish the 10th one, but he suddenly started to laugh so hard.
So the chief killed him.
In heaven, the first man asked the second, "Why did you laugh? You could've live!"
The second guy said, "But I couldn't hold it! The third guy was bringing 10 watermelons!"
EDIT:69th post :P
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: DJ Omnimaga on October 26, 2011, 07:20:59 pm
Lolwut?
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: imo_inx on October 26, 2011, 07:23:07 pm
A man walks into omnimaga and holds up FA-123. He then says "no more open file".
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: BalancedFury on October 26, 2011, 08:49:54 pm
I know that joke Yeong
You know that some dude who was helping us move told us :P
Here's another one
-^   ^^^^^^^_________^^^^^^^^
FOr a minute there... you bored me to death :P
    ^
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: boot2490 on October 28, 2011, 11:48:10 am
Geek jokes time!

An electron and a proton walk into a bar. They order a few drinks. They are getting ready to leave, and they reach to their pockets to pay the bartender. The bartender looks at them and says:
Spoiler For Spoiler:
You two? No charge.

An infinite numbe of mathemiticians walk into a bar. The first one says:
"I'll have one pint."
The next one says:
"I'll have half of what he had."
And so on.
Spoiler For Spoiler:
The bartender pulls out two pints.
Spoiler For Spoiler:
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Stefan Bauwens on October 28, 2011, 03:07:24 pm
Geek jokes time!

An electron and a proton walk into a bar. They order a few drinks. They are getting ready to leave, and they reach to their pockets to pay the bartender. The bartender looks at them and says:
Spoiler For Spoiler:
You two? No charge.

An infinite numbe of mathemiticians walk into a bar. The first one says:
"I'll have one pint."
The next one says:
"I'll have half of what he had."
And so on.
Spoiler For Spoiler:
The bartender pulls out two pints.
Spoiler For Spoiler:
Wow. There is something really weird with that post.
It's REALLY freaking me out.

EDIT: That's what happens when you don't close a spoiler? FREAKY.
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: parserp on October 28, 2011, 07:52:06 pm
Ah were'd the spiler go!?!?! O.O
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: BalancedFury on October 28, 2011, 09:01:37 pm
He forgot to close the spoiler :D
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: willrandship on October 29, 2011, 11:35:04 pm
Didn't cut out the punchline though.
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: aeTIos on November 03, 2011, 06:27:32 am
what do you hear when a sheep falls from a high building?
Spoiler For Spoiler:
peeeeooow....
kebap.
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Juju on November 03, 2011, 12:37:49 pm
Quote from: Nikky
Omnimaga

Best. Joke. Ever.

Actually, the joke here is the fact Nikky said Omnimaga was a joke. He really said that on Cemetech though.
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Yeong on November 03, 2011, 04:04:04 pm
/me read it :D
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: BalancedFury on November 03, 2011, 05:18:52 pm
Quote from: Nikky
Omnimaga

Best. Joke. Ever.

Actually, the joke here is the fact Nikky said Omnimaga was a joke. He really said that on Cemetech though.
Lies :P
The game is the best joke...
Cause no one gets to win it XD
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: epic7 on November 05, 2011, 04:32:04 pm
Funny one:
When my band teacher asked if anybody had a joke, this is what my friend said:

A pirate walks into a bar.
The bartender asks why the pirate has a wheel in his pants.
The pirate says "Argh! It's driving me nuts!"
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: BalancedFury on November 06, 2011, 09:18:39 am
XD
Here's another really funny pirate one :
A crewmember caught his captain huddled in a corner frustrated with a calculator in his hands.
The crewmember asked what happened, captain?
The captain replied : MY ARRRRRRCHIVES!!
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: flyingfisch on November 14, 2011, 01:04:33 pm
I have a toaster. It works on AC and DC. It just doesn't work on bread.

It also has 2 settings: "too soon" and "too late"
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: BalancedFury on November 15, 2011, 05:33:51 pm
I have a toaster. It works on AC and DC. It just doesn't work on bread.

It also has 2 settings: "too soon" and "too late"
Lol :P
Wut about Thank you come again~ setting? :D
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: flyingfisch on November 15, 2011, 06:05:11 pm
I have a toaster. It works on AC and DC. It just doesn't work on bread.

It also has 2 settings: "too soon" and "too late"
Lol :P
Wut about Thank you come again~ setting? :D

Yeah lol. Here is another:


The. Silliest. Jokester. Ever.


Nikky
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: mushmoom on November 15, 2011, 08:21:17 pm
Here's one my friend made up:

V=Bh

Where:
V=volume
h=height
B=butt

Does anyone actually find that funny?
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Hayleia on November 20, 2011, 11:26:58 am
Does anyone actually find that funny?
Lol, I find the last sentence funny :P
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: BalancedFury on November 20, 2011, 03:36:07 pm
Here's one my friend made up:

V=Bh

Where:
V=volume
h=height
B=butt

Does anyone actually find that funny?
I don't get it :P
Can u explain? :D
BTW, Here's Another one XD:
Myspace :P
Funnier than Omnimaga :D
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: hellninjas on November 20, 2011, 03:41:39 pm
Theorem: 1$ = 1c.
Proof:
And another that gives you a sense of money disappearing.

1$ = 100c
= (10c)^2
= (0.1$)^2
= 0.01$
= 1c

Here $ means dollars and c means cents. This one is scary in that I have seen PhD's in math who were unable to see what was wrong with this one. Actually I am crossposting this to sci.physics because I think that the latter makes a very nice introduction to the importance of keeping track of your dimensions.

xD!!!
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: BalancedFury on November 20, 2011, 03:46:06 pm
Lol :P ^^^
Imma show people this and say let's trade this penny for this dollar! XD
If they say yes, Im going to get the money and be like this : :w00t: =OO laughing
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: ben_g on November 20, 2011, 04:01:05 pm
She loves flowers, but she picks them.
She loves animals, but she eats them.

Now I'm afraid that she will say: I love you.
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: BalancedFury on November 20, 2011, 04:29:26 pm
Lol XD ^^^
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: flyingfisch on December 09, 2011, 01:38:03 pm
The day Microsoft makes a product that doesn't suck is the day that they make a vacuum cleaner.
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: parserp on December 10, 2011, 04:02:09 pm
The day Microsoft makes a product that doesn't suck is the day that they make a vacuum cleaner.
...will be the day people stop making number-guessing games. :P
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: flyingfisch on December 10, 2011, 04:40:51 pm
The day Microsoft makes a product that doesn't suck is the day that they make a vacuum cleaner.
...will be the day people stop making number-guessing games. :P

I don't get that one... maybe i'm slow :P
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: willrandship on December 10, 2011, 05:32:54 pm
Number guessing games are like the "hello world" of teaching arithmetic in programming.
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: flyingfisch on January 03, 2012, 12:44:09 pm
lolthud.

Spoiler For Spoiler:
Laughed my head off

Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: flyingfisch on January 06, 2012, 11:25:22 am
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive, double-pane, energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them.

He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!

Helllooooo? It's been a year! I told him.

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.

(https://mail.google.com/mail/u/1/?ui=2&ik=2d38edabb4&view=att&th=134b3cbca0f3deeb&attid=0.1&disp=emb&zw)
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Nick on January 06, 2012, 02:38:49 pm
nah j/k ??? i hope, if not, then you're a genius lol
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: willrandship on January 09, 2012, 07:45:14 pm
It's a blonde joke :P It didn't happen to him
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Juju on January 09, 2012, 08:19:25 pm
One time there was a guy. That's it. >.>
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: parserp on January 09, 2012, 08:23:12 pm
One time there was a guy. That's it. >.>
DEFINITELY the best joke yet. XD

Even better than "One time a guy walked into a bar. You think he would've seen it" :P
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: ZippyDee on January 09, 2012, 08:23:13 pm
2. What do you call a cow with no legs?
Spoiler For Answer:
Ground Beef
Groan. O0
what do you call a cow with one leg?
Spoiler For Answer:
Steak.

what do you call a cow with two legs?
Spoiler For Answer:
Lean beef...

what do you call a cow with three legs?
Spoiler For Answer:
Tri-tip...........

what do you call a cow with four legs?
Spoiler For Answer:
...A cow. Duh.
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: parserp on January 09, 2012, 08:26:22 pm
O.O you posted 1 second after me.


what do you call a deer with no eyes?
Spoiler For Spoiler:
No eyed-deer
what do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Spoiler For Spoiler:
still no eyed-deer!
what do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, with a dog on it?
Spoiler For Spoiler:
Dog on it! still no eyed-deer!
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: epic7 on January 09, 2012, 08:35:11 pm
Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg bitten off by a shark?

IT'S OK! HE'S "ALL RIGHT" NOW!

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

-Jake the dog
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Juju on January 09, 2012, 10:44:54 pm
So our beloved Québec mayor, King Régis I, made a call for bids for the paintjob of the future Québec Nordiques arena. 3 companies replied, among them a Québécois.

The first one called for 3M$. 1M$ for cheap workforce, 1M$ for cheap paint and 1M$ for cheap scaffolds. The second one called for 6M$, 2M$ for the best quality of each of the above items. The Québécois called for 9M$. He said to the mayor, "3M$ for me, 3M$ for you and 3M$ to make the first company do the job" :D
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: flyingfisch on January 10, 2012, 12:11:50 pm
So our beloved Québec mayor, King Régis I, made a call for bids for the paintjob of the future Québec Nordiques arena. 3 companies replied, among them a Québécois.

The first one called for 3M$. 1M$ for cheap workforce, 1M$ for cheap paint and 1M$ for cheap scaffolds. The second one called for 6M$, 2M$ for the best quality of each of the above items. The Québécois called for 9M$. He said to the mayor, "3M$ for me, 3M$ for you and 3M$ to make the first company do the job" :D
lolol :D
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: parserp on January 13, 2012, 05:15:08 pm
Not really a joke, but I lol'ed at this xkcd comic :D
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/1996.png)
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: willrandship on January 14, 2012, 09:45:23 pm
A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "Why the long face?"
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: flyingfisch on January 16, 2012, 10:36:19 am
One my dad and I made up in the car:

Geek: Hi, is this customer service?
Customer Service: Yes.
Geek: My computer is working great.
Customer Service: Ok, well try rebooting the computer and see if it still works great.
Geek: OK. Done.
Customer Service: Same problem?
Geek: Yup, my computer is still working great.
Customer Service: Try rebooting your modem.
Geek: Still same condition.
Customer Service: Wow! I never came across a problem like this before! We have to elevate this to tier 1 support.

lol :D
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Sorunome on November 30, 2013, 10:28:12 am
How does a physicion prove all odd numbers greater than 1 are primes?
Spoiler For Spoiler:
3 - prime
5 - prime
7 - prime
9 - measurment error
11 - prime

Seems like all odd numbers greater than 1 are primes
How does a mathematition prove all odd numvbers greather than 1 are primes?
Spoiler For Spoiler:
3 - prime
5 - prime

Due to complete induction all odd numbers greater than one are primes
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Streetwalrus on November 30, 2013, 10:30:51 am
Lol, these are pretty cool XD
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Sorunome on November 30, 2013, 10:33:47 am
A Mathametition, a Physition and a Engeneer are in a hotel.

Suddenly a fire bursts.
The Engeneer wakes up, sees the fire extenguisher and puts out the fire. After that he goes happily to bed.

Another fire bursts.
The Physition wakes up, sees the fire extenguisher, calculates the minimum amount of extinguishing foam needed puts out the fire and goes happily to bed.

Another ifre bursts.
The Mathemetition wakes up, sees the extinguisher, looks at the fire and thinks 'Ok, we already solved this problem before' and goes happily to bed
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Streetwalrus on November 30, 2013, 10:36:23 am
Haha this was a pretty good one too.
x² is happily wandering in the forest. Suddenly, he loses his square, why ?
Spoiler For Spoiler:
He stumbled upon a root. :P
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Sorunome on November 30, 2013, 10:38:22 am
hehe

What is green and runs through the forest?
Spoiler For Spoiler:
A heard cucumbers.
What's wrong about that?
Spoiler For Spoiler:
Cucumbers don't live in herds!
And what is transparents and jumps after them?
Spoiler For Spoiler:
the jar
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Streetwalrus on November 30, 2013, 10:39:11 am
Lol. Not as funny but still. :P
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Sorunome on November 30, 2013, 10:40:15 am
Two skyscrapers are sitting while a strom in the basement.
The smaller one says "I'm afraid"
The bigger one says, don't be scared, during night it is colder than outside
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: pimathbrainiac on November 30, 2013, 12:22:02 pm
Two men walk into a bar

The third ducked
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Sorunome on November 30, 2013, 12:31:18 pm
Two invisible men meet each other "long time no see!"
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Juju on November 30, 2013, 12:32:25 pm
So it's the story of the guy who wanted to go in the police, the police moved and the guy went into the wall.
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Adriweb on November 30, 2013, 12:46:40 pm
Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks “How do you drive this thing?”

What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.

Also... A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair. ( / You'll never guess who I bumped into on the way to the opticians! Everyone. )

Ok I'm out now
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Streetwalrus on November 30, 2013, 04:32:43 pm
Nice one Pimath. :)
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Sorunome on December 04, 2013, 01:17:55 pm
A engeneer, a physition and a mathemetition go by train to schottland.
They see a black sheep.

The engeneer says: All sheep in schottland are black
The physition says: Wrong, we only know that one sheep in schottland is black.
The mathematition says: Wrong, we only know that one sheep from one side is black.
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: TheMachine02 on December 04, 2013, 01:19:35 pm
lol pretty epic one
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: ClrDraw on December 05, 2013, 10:57:21 am
Quote
Also... A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair. ( / You'll never guess who I bumped into on the way to the opticians! Everyone. )
That is the best XD

Why couldn't the pirate see the movie? Cause it was rated "Arg!"  :P
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: TIfanx1999 on December 05, 2013, 11:43:07 am
Knock Knock
Who's there?
The
The who?
Spoiler For Spoiler:
The Game Come on, you really didn't see that coming?
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Sorunome on December 05, 2013, 11:43:36 am
didn't see that one coming :P
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: TheMachine02 on December 05, 2013, 11:45:04 am
 O.O  I guess I lost then
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Streetwalrus on December 05, 2013, 04:03:35 pm
I did see it coming. :P
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: imo_inx on December 05, 2013, 09:00:21 pm
I grew up lonely as a child. All my friends were imaginary.
Now I know it's the thought that counts.
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Sorunome on December 06, 2013, 09:48:36 am
I don't get the joke ???
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: ClrDraw on December 06, 2013, 10:50:22 am
What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Spoiler For Spoiler:
A...
FSH!
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: TIfanx1999 on December 06, 2013, 11:53:34 am
Blind?
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: imo_inx on December 06, 2013, 04:03:41 pm
I don't get the joke ???
Imaginary friends are thoughts. As people grow up they meet a bunch of other people.
It's the thought that counts is a very popular saying.
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: ClrDraw on December 09, 2013, 11:22:20 am
Quote
Blind?

Click the spoiler ;)
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: shmibs on December 09, 2013, 11:32:38 am
why was the scarecrow promoted?
Spoiler For Spoiler:
he really stood out in his field
Title: jokes....
Post by: dreamdragon on January 23, 2014, 05:34:30 pm
does anyone know some good knock-knock jokes or your mama jokes? ???
i am just drawin a blank!
Title: Re: jokes....
Post by: flyingfisch on January 23, 2014, 05:48:18 pm
Sorry, don't know any, but a mod may want to move this to jokes and humor ;)
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Sorunome on January 24, 2014, 03:18:10 pm
merged because topic already existed
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: nspireguy on January 24, 2014, 03:46:16 pm
chuck norris jokes anybody?
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: ClrDraw on January 24, 2014, 06:25:57 pm
Type 'search chuck norris" into the google search bar and click "I'm feeling lucky".
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: nspireguy on January 24, 2014, 07:58:29 pm
thanks!
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: Eiyeron on January 25, 2014, 04:51:52 am
I have a nice one, but in french...
Quelle est la puissance d'un coton-tige?
2 ouates.

Litteral : What the power of a swab? 2 cotton-wool (ouate is prononced as watt...)
Title: Re: What is your favorite joke?
Post by: nspireguy on January 25, 2014, 07:35:15 am
ha.ha.(funny)!