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Jokes

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tifreak:
I don't feel like posting these again...

http://www.unitedti.org/index.php?showtopic=4453

http://www.unitedti.org/index.php?showtopic=4451

spengo:
QUOTE
This is not meant to offend or support any or either political party.


HOW DO YOU VOTE?

Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southern Republican

Here is a little test that will help you decide.

Question: How do you tell the difference between Democrats, Republicans and
Southern Republicans?

The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock cal .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do? See below....


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few
days and try to come to a consensus.

Scroll down



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Republican's Answer:

BANG!




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Southern Republican's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!click.....(sounds of
reloading).

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click

Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points ?"

Son: "Git-r-Dun Pop! Can I shoot the next one!"

Wife: "You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!"

tifreak:
Not offensive, merely the truth. ;)

spengo:
How bout this:

Q: If your floating down a river in a concrete boat and the wheels fall off, how many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse?

A: Ice cream has no bones!

CDI:
._. wow... that's funny :)

how 'bout this one

3 men are camping. The first one gives a sealed jar to the second one and says "I have just passed gas". The second looking at the first exclaims "You make less sense than 2 pennies!" while he lights the logs. The third grabs the recentally lit log and runs away yelling "Damnnit man I'm taking fire!"

:D

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