Author Topic: Poetry  (Read 29359 times)

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Offline ztrumpet

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Poetry
« on: January 05, 2011, 10:05:46 pm »
I wrote this poem today.  It's entirely fiction (and not about anyone), but I think it reads well. Let me know what you think! ;D

Amanda

As white as snow
As black as night
She comes so near
It gives me fright

Her dress so white
Her skin so pale
Her hair so dark
I know I'll fail

Again she comes
Now is my chance
Should I ask now
Ask for a dance

Such heels she wears
Upon her feet
I glance back up
Our eyes, they meet

Our fingers touch
Her hand I squeeze
And then I ask
"Would you dance please"

As black as night
As white as snow
She is so fair
Yet she says "No"

Farewell my love
She was so right
And now I weep
Just at her sight

Offline jnesselr

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Re: Amanda
« Reply #1 on: January 05, 2011, 10:09:22 pm »
REJECTED! Sorry, had to. :devil:

Nice poem, though.
« Last Edit: January 05, 2011, 10:10:22 pm by graphmastur »

Offline Happybobjr

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Re: Amanda
« Reply #2 on: January 05, 2011, 10:15:20 pm »
reminds me of 1 i did...
i wrote it over a period of time so my outcome was independent of the begining, like yours.
---------------------------------------
good job
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Offline Eeems

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Re: Amanda
« Reply #3 on: January 05, 2011, 10:15:44 pm »
Made my day :P
/e

Offline Binder News

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Re: Amanda
« Reply #4 on: January 05, 2011, 10:16:04 pm »
Very good. My poetry is far creepier.


And he who hath the Great King's orb, the tusk, and the dagger of ancient lore.
He shall drive the Fiend away. But will not fight, another day.
For as the portal to Hell doth close, the ground shall crumble beneath his toes.
And he shall follow the Fiend to Hell, to battle the Fiend, whom he must fell.
And God in glory shall open the doors, to let out the hero, end end his chores.
« Last Edit: January 05, 2011, 10:16:19 pm by Binder News »
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Offline ztrumpet

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Re: Amanda
« Reply #5 on: January 05, 2011, 10:18:14 pm »
Very good. My poetry is far creepier.
Nice.  I like yours too. :)

Offline Binder News

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Re: Amanda
« Reply #6 on: January 05, 2011, 10:19:55 pm »
Thanks. I wrote one about Shakespeare's grave, but don't remember it right now.
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Offline Happybobjr

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Re: Amanda
« Reply #7 on: January 05, 2011, 10:50:01 pm »
not as good as yours but...

IF ONLY
-------------

if only I knew better,
would i be good enough for you?
will i ever be enough
oh, if only i knew...

her beauty, elegance, and grace
my heart has given chase.

She is beauty,
She is divine,
Oh, will she ever be mine?


when she is silent i feel peace
and with her voice there is pleasure.

with her voice i hear
i feel an urge to be near
but also shyness and fear.


She is funny, cunning, and smart
she is like a peace of art

She is the bestt you can find
with her strong will and mind
She is truly one of a kind.  (as a good thing)

We grew to be good friends
I thought there would be happy ends

I love her.
She liked me.
but things were not meant to be.


But oh, where did i go wrong?
her feelings did not last long.

i feel grief
i feel dispair
oh, life is not fair.


She drifted away
her love did not stay.

I pity me.
now that i've been shown
that i will die alone.


My feelings for her remain
untainted by feelings of hate or distain.

My love stays
it will always be acute. (sharp not <90 degrees)
standing resolute.

Her emotions are blind to me.
She shows no emotion that i can see.

Oh, how does she feel...
Happy? Sad?
Lonely? Mad?


So long has this stayed,
its seems no progress has been made.
If only i were better
would i be enough for you?
---------------------
This is about the girl whose drawing i posted way back.

True story.
Written on my ds. Took 30 min...
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Offline DJ Omnimaga

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Re: Amanda
« Reply #8 on: January 06, 2011, 03:32:51 am »
Some nice stuff here. I suck at poetry, but I like reading some stuff.


Offline Netham45

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Re: Amanda
« Reply #9 on: January 06, 2011, 12:34:36 pm »
Here's my poetry:

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Offline holmes221b

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Re: Amanda
« Reply #10 on: January 06, 2011, 12:39:44 pm »
Nice.
I have a lot of poems that I've written over the years (you can find all of the ones I've ever posted anywhere online listed here at my livejournal).

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Re: Amanda
« Reply #11 on: January 06, 2011, 01:40:48 pm »
Very good. My poetry is far creepier.


And he who hath the Great King's orb, the tusk, and the dagger of ancient lore.
He shall drive the Fiend away. But will not fight, another day.
For as the portal to Hell doth close, the ground shall crumble beneath his toes.
And he shall follow the Fiend to Hell, to battle the Fiend, whom he must fell.
And God in glory shall open the doors, to let out the hero, end end his chores.



Both are good, but for some reason Binde's seemed to have more imagery :P

Nice work both of you!  I'm a decent poet myself, but I suck at rhyming and it takes me the most time and usually subsitutes in for creativeness, since I can never find a rhyme to anything :P

Cool :D

Offline yunhua98

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Re: Amanda
« Reply #12 on: January 06, 2011, 05:33:15 pm »
All of them are great!  But I must say Netham's is by far the best.  ;)  :P

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Re: Amanda
« Reply #13 on: January 06, 2011, 07:57:42 pm »
My poetry is usually really dark and I don't rhyme, I prefer freeverse
Quote
Being lost is not a foreign concept for us
Behind grey walls
deep in the maze

did we build it?
or did it just appear?

Obscured by mists
Trampling vines to the ground
Here we are,
Searching for a way out
Out from this prison
It's daunting grey walls
blocking our view

Could this be anything but our lies?
Or our deepest thoughts?
Written like 1 minute ago in about 3 minutes.

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Re: Amanda
« Reply #14 on: January 06, 2011, 08:00:17 pm »
My poetry is usually really dark and I don't rhyme, I prefer freeverse
Quote
Being lost is not a foreign concept for us
Behind grey walls
deep in the maze

did we build it?
or did it just appear?

Obscured by mists
Trampling vines to the ground
Here we are,
Searching for a way out
Out from this prison
It's daunting grey walls
blocking our view

Could this be anything but our lies?
Or our deepest thoughts?
Written like 1 minute ago in about 3 minutes.

your poem is excellent.  I love freeverse, it is not confined to any form, and can give a message much easier.

Yeah I can tell your poem was quickly written by small amount of imagery, but much better than what I could do in 3 minutes for sure, I'm much slower :)